Wishful (NOT) thinking

What Brought Me Here?

Here meaning where I am stationed in life right now. How did I land up here and where will I be in another 10 years? The latter being the most annoying question asked by an interviewer, as if to say where I am now should/must be temporary! And if I am satisfied with it, I am a loser!!! What is this quest of constantly wanting more? Don't get me wrong - I most certainly always want "more" but I just don't want it to be obvious to a stranger! 

Anyway, so I was this unassuming typical, nerdy, bespectacled, skinny girl, who had to fight off comments everyday from neighbors and friends about having "grasshopper" legs which reminded them of toothpicks! Now let me tell you that if I wasn't the subject of this absolutely unfeeling remark, I would have seen a lot of humor in it. But that wasn't to be. This was the stage in my life that saw a serious attention deficit in the social world! It was a stage where I constantly believed "You must really like me, cause you smiled at me." But I go too far with this one. 

After this never ending awkward phase got over, I found myself in college - with a group of gorgeous friends, a "to die for" boyfriend and myself not really unpopular. How that happened is a mystery - I think it had something to do with shunning the glasses and growing my hair. 

Career starts - I was in the capital city of India trying to meek out a living. Most of the time broke and angry! My meagerly salary allowed me to have just about two crazy nights in a nightclub/pub, after which I would survive on just bread till I got the next check. Basically from "check to check' was an understatement in my situation. A new term had to be coined exclusively to describe me; maybe something like the "corporate loser". 

Marriage - Just when my job and money situation took a jubilant turn, my husband (by then I was married) was moved to a town called Danbury, in CT. If one were to draw a graph of my career in Danbury, I think the excel sheet would give way and the software would need to be reinstalled, just to fit my life in. To make a long story short, from the first to the current year the pendulum swung from me feeling like a scumbag to feeling like an achiever. It took 7 years of my life for everything to fit. Any guesses what happens next??? We are MOVING AGAIN!! Yeah Marriage - sigh!

So there it is - my life in a nut shell for you to read - from "grasshopper" to a marketing specialist now. Do I feel achieved? That's an affirmative. Is there more achievement waiting? I don't know but I want more! What inspired (read provoked) me to write this post is a recent novel I read. A regular gossipy kind by Candace Bushnell – the kind which you wouldn’t dare admit to have read in a literary society, for the fear of being labeled. 

10 years hence - I want life to promote me from a consultant to a super business woman. I want to have already made enough money to last me a lifetime and will enough for posterity. But here's the thing - will that change me? I liked it when grasshopper finally became just Kriti. I like Kriti - I don't want her to go away like grasshopper did. I want everyone to love me even though I am sickeningly rich (like Annalisa Rice in the 5th Avenue) - a rare circumstance in this world according to Kiyosaki. 

Summer of 2022 - I walk into my husband's office and immediately recognize him, even though he is alien to whom I used to call my husband in 2011. He sits in a plush office directing people in the world and costing billions of dollars to governments and companies alike. Even the smell of his environment is unfamiliar - leather and cologne???? Common!!! I walk in, in my Chanel jeans (still not very happy to let go of the idea of "fashionable jeans"), Dolce and Gabbana bag, LV shirt and Prada stilettos. (My apologies to all if the above description does not speak money and fashion. These are just the brands I covet. I'll get there when I get there but in the meantime, I hope you know what I mean.)  I am still Kriti inside (but not out). My husband smiles a knowing smile, and then offers me his arm. We go out and meet all our friends from the past struggling years and have a genuine laugh over caviar and rare wine.  

50 years hence - I die a peaceful death, with a regret-less smile on my face, surrounded by friends, lovers and family alike. 

Back to 2011 – Post ends and I am being called a pathetic (unreasonable) dreamer by everyone who reads this entry.