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Hand in hand for eternity

Monday, January 24, 2011

Wishful (NOT) thinking


What Brought Me Here?

Here meaning where I am stationed in life right now. How did I land up here and where will I be in another 10 years? The latter being the most annoying question asked by an interviewer, as if to say where I am now should/must be temporary! And if I am satisfied with it, I am a loser!!! What is this quest of constantly wanting more? Don't get me wrong - I most certainly always want "more" but I just don't want it to be obvious to a stranger! 

Anyway, so I was this unassuming typical, nerdy, bespectacled, skinny girl, who had to fight off comments everyday from neighbors and friends about having "grasshopper" legs which reminded them of toothpicks! Now let me tell you that if I wasn't the subject of this absolutely unfeeling remark, I would have seen a lot of humor in it. But that wasn't to be. This was the stage in my life that saw a serious attention deficit in the social world! It was a stage where I constantly believed "You must really like me, cause you smiled at me." But I go too far with this one. 

After this never ending awkward phase got over, I found myself in college - with a group of gorgeous friends, a "to die for" boyfriend and myself not really unpopular. How that happened is a mystery - I think it had something to do with shunning the glasses and growing my hair. 

Career starts - I was in the capital city of India trying to meek out a living. Most of the time broke and angry! My meagerly salary allowed me to have just about two crazy nights in a nightclub/pub, after which I would survive on just bread till I got the next check. Basically from "check to check' was an understatement in my situation. A new term had to be coined exclusively to describe me; maybe something like the "corporate loser". 

Marriage - Just when my job and money situation took a jubilant turn, my husband (by then I was married) was moved to a town called Danbury, in CT. If one were to draw a graph of my career in Danbury, I think the excel sheet would give way and the software would need to be reinstalled, just to fit my life in. To make a long story short, from the first to the current year the pendulum swung from me feeling like a scumbag to feeling like an achiever. It took 7 years of my life for everything to fit. Any guesses what happens next??? We are MOVING AGAIN!! Yeah Marriage - sigh!

So there it is - my life in a nut shell for you to read - from "grasshopper" to a marketing specialist now. Do I feel achieved? That's an affirmative. Is there more achievement waiting? I don't know but I want more! What inspired (read provoked) me to write this post is a recent novel I read. A regular gossipy kind by Candace Bushnell – the kind which you wouldn’t dare admit to have read in a literary society, for the fear of being labeled. 

10 years hence - I want life to promote me from a consultant to a super business woman. I want to have already made enough money to last me a lifetime and will enough for posterity. But here's the thing - will that change me? I liked it when grasshopper finally became just Kriti. I like Kriti - I don't want her to go away like grasshopper did. I want everyone to love me even though I am sickeningly rich (like Annalisa Rice in the 5th Avenue) - a rare circumstance in this world according to Kiyosaki. 

Summer of 2022 - I walk into my husband's office and immediately recognize him, even though he is alien to whom I used to call my husband in 2011. He sits in a plush office directing people in the world and costing billions of dollars to governments and companies alike. Even the smell of his environment is unfamiliar - leather and cologne???? Common!!! I walk in, in my Chanel jeans (still not very happy to let go of the idea of "fashionable jeans"), Dolce and Gabbana bag, LV shirt and Prada stilettos. (My apologies to all if the above description does not speak money and fashion. These are just the brands I covet. I'll get there when I get there but in the meantime, I hope you know what I mean.)  I am still Kriti inside (but not out). My husband smiles a knowing smile, and then offers me his arm. We go out and meet all our friends from the past struggling years and have a genuine laugh over caviar and rare wine.  

50 years hence - I die a peaceful death, with a regret-less smile on my face, surrounded by friends, lovers and family alike. 

Back to 2011 – Post ends and I am being called a pathetic (unreasonable) dreamer by everyone who reads this entry.

    

23 comments:

  1. I am sure that ten years hence you will be exactly where you want to be and I hope that with all that success and wealth :), you still find the time to write and connect with friends...the old ones and the ones who know and love the "real" you.

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  2. First things first, "to die for" boyfriend, sounded yum and I was happy for Kriti, I liked the grasshopper too who believed in "You must really like me, cause you smiled at me." But most of all, I believe in your ability and capability to achieve your goals.Dreamers are never pathetic, they are brave hearts and you are one. You will have everything your heart desires, always....

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  3. @Neeru - thanks a ton! Its completely wishful (not) thinking. Its a dream that went out of control. I am actually scared that I will lose myself and everybody I love now, if ever some crazy lottery made me that rich - I may not be comfortable. The security of this middle class blanket is too comforting : )

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  4. @Mitr, thanks a ton for liking the grasshopper - I used to feel so bad for her!! But I was glad when she went... yeah the boyfriend was "yum" - but he's past now maybe even imaginary - ha ha ha!! Thanks for all your encouragement!

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  5. Well done grasshopper! :) You never know where the road of life will lead you. Keep striving for success!

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  6. Will do Ed - keep striving! Thanks a ton!

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  7. That was beautiful Kriti. Funny, i was thinking along the same lines since the past few days - from who i was to what i am and what i am to be. Just remain your own sweet self and you'll breeze smoothly into your future. Dream On!!!

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  8. Hello Kriti and grasshopper! Both beautiful in their own right, both equally valid in the great scheme of things, as is the glamorous woman you are to become in your vision and in your life, now that you are moving again.

    I am glad that you wrote this because, as much as I may think I know you through our exchanges on The Ladies Club, I did not know this deeper Kriti, the one who emerges so beautiful in this piece of yours. You are strong, intelligent and wise and the future is yours, my dear! Just read If by Kipling one more time... and substitute WOMAN for MAN.

    One last thing, this reminds me a bit of something my wise doctor said to me, upon my return from a really sad trip. He said "Wherever we go, we always take ourselves along" and that's so true of how we view life and how we go forward. Something to think about! Thank you for sharing this Kriti and love!

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  9. Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.
    Horace
    from my favorite writer philosopher live the life path that you set upon find value of the path you have traveled it light the path before you. god blessed the grasshopper

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  10. I was the clumsy fatso to match the grasshopper I guess!! Please continue to stick with me in your filthy rich days too, so I can now retire, and be confident that my super successful,rich sister will take care of me, and my luxurious life style....luv you grasshopper!!

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  11. @Nina - I love your comment - I will take myself along when I get there : ) thank you so very much! I am touched! @ Roy - thanks a ton! God bless the grasshopper! @ Swati - the important thing is for you to stick with me - as for me I cannot think otherwise : )

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  12. Hey! I had a lot of fun reading this! I could really identify myself with the "grasshopper" & "bespectacled" look coz' my friend, such was my fate growing up too. College changed me in a way you talk about your transformation. I'd call it metamorphosis coz we did indeed transform into attractive young women from grasshoppers! I identify with moving too coz my family of four (my husband, elder son Noah and younger son Elvin) are soon on the verge of moving and we have been moving around a lot it in the past :) So you see someone in the other corner of the planet is living a life quite identical to yours! So you see your personally genuine post made that smile go broader on my lips. Although I haven't deeply contemplated on what my life is going to look like in 2022, but yeah, the aspiration is kind of similar. Only that, I am a hugely successful published author and that I can live anywhere in the world, both my sons drop dead gorgeously intelligent beings, my husband chasing wildlife somewhere in the African savannas (he'd have undergone a career change by then) Kriti, thanks for posting this. Your mildly humorous, immensely contemplative post really brought back the sun in my life today, where otherwise dark grey clouds were hanging menacingly :)

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  13. Kriti loved it. The grasshopper reminded me of me when I was called the ugly duckling, so trying hard to fit in. Knowing you I think no matter how rich you become (which I hope and am sure you will, including all the lovers :)))) you will still be the same and true friends never give up on each other, thru thick and thin, thru poor and rich.

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  14. I loved it Kriti, its shows the sensitive and emotional side of you..which I know is a wonderful human being,and really status symbols are not important,its the person inside,will want to read more from you.

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  15. Grasshopper legs? what an interesting definition.
    Liked your simple exclusive way of writing.You seems to be a pretty seasoned blogger. Aren't you?Shall visit you again.

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  16. @ Yoshay - I am so glad you associate and your visits here make me so proud! Thank you for the follow and your kind words.
    @ Rimly - Your follow made my day too! Ugly duckling - ha ha - if you can be an "ugly duckling" - I feel so much better... You are gorgeous!!
    @ ALpana - I think I want the status with the person inside intact : )Thanks a ton for your comment! Love you tons!
    @Nirupam - thanks a ton for the follow. I am a wannabe writer still. When you visit again do read Red in Legerdemain and Pin Drop Chaos. Dad's diary is a write up one should read with a lot of time in hand. Something we all lack : ) Thanks again....

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  17. It was great fun reading it. The last two lines, however, are not for me. I believe that those who dare to dream visit places.

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  18. With you behind me I can actually believe I can dream on Bou ....

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  19. this tell me that you have a great imaginativeness and vision in bringing to reality the unseen. I'm sure this kind of writings will help you -and of course you're in the path now- to be a great fictional writer.

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  20. Thanks a ton Aznzar! Both for your follow and your kind comment...

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  22. Kriti, you are a jewel. Somewhere I read a quote that goes something like this: If ever you wonder if you're on the right path, just look down at your feet and see where you're standing.
    Then follow your bliss!

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  23. Wow Debra that is a great one - thanks a ton! Appreciate your comment and follow! Thanks again...

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